I Don’t Want to Become My Mother

Out of all of the things posted, positive memes and messages that friends share on Facebook about their mothers probably bothers me the most. I think out of all five of her kids, I was the one closest to her as a child, but that soon changed once I became a teenager.

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Unfortunately, I don’t speak to my mom, which breaks my heart to the fullest. Many of my close friends have a pretty good relationships with their mothers – and believe me, I observe it closely, and have felt envious of the situation. A mother’s (just like a dad’s) position in a child’s life is vital. They watch us like a hawk, mimicking what we do and what we say. I didn’t have a good example. Occasionally, she would blame her ‘bad example’ on how she was raised, further explaining that God was understanding. I read that as “Oh God is okay with how I act, because I didn’t have a good childhood.” Growing up, I couldn’t help but to pardon her abusive actions towards my siblings and me, simply because of that statement. Nowadays, my siblings and I have little-to-no contact with our mother, which is sad all around.

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This does not work. Plain and simple!

I can’t tell you how often I fear of becoming my mother, and the strength of that fear sometimes overpowers me. So often, that I’m constantly reminding my kids how much I love them, and how sorry I am when my fuse is shorter than usual. Never do I want my kids to doubt my love for them. Never do I want my kids to remember their mom  as being unhappy and always frustrated and overwhelmed, but as the fun, crazy, silly mom who loved her family and had a strong faith in God. I don’t call my kids names….why? Because I was called every name in the book, and grew up thinking I was worthless. I want my children to know how how important they are to me, and that they deserve all the happiness in the world. I want to have a good relationship with them. I want to know that when they grow up and have their own family, that they will strive to be good parents, love their spouses, and love their Heavenly Father.

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My kids asked me today if I loved my mother. It was so easy to answer. “Yes, absolutely” I replied. Of course I love my mother. My oldest explained that it didn’t seem to make sense to love someone who did bad things to others, but it was kind of like when her and her siblings would misbehave, I would still love them.

I believe hating someone leaves bitterness in your heart, and that grudge won’t let you move forward in your life. As Heavenly Father has forgiven me for my wrongdoings, I forgive her, and pray and think about her a lot, and hope she’s finding peace in her life, like I am. And I’m finding my peace by strengthening my faith in God.

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Hating others is a waste of time.

I’m grateful for the women who have been mother-figures, and great examples for me (you know who you are!). Family is essential to Heavenly Father’s plan, and it’s our job as parents to teach our kids love, compassion, respect, manners, and some silliness mixed in, so that we can help make this world a better place.

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2 thoughts on “I Don’t Want to Become My Mother

  1. Know that you are not the only one who grew up with a mother who didn’t have it all together (trying to be gracious here!). Keeping your eyes on God to get through the hurt and a difficult past while becoming the best mother for your children, is exactly what we should all do. Thanks for sharing your story about you and your mother. It seems like you have a beautiful family! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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